She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near
where I live.
I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles,
whenever the world begins to close in on me. She was building a sandcastle or
something and looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.
"Hello," she said.
I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a
small child. "I'm building," she said.
"I see that. What is it?" I asked, not really caring.
"Oh, I don't know, I just like the feel of sand."
That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes. A lapwing
glided by.
"That's a joy," the child said.
"It's a what?"
"It's a joy. My mama says lapwings come to bring us
joy."
The bird went gliding down the beach. Good-bye joy, I muttered
to myself, hello pain, and turned to walk on. I was depressed, my life seemed
completely out of balance.
"What's your name?" She wouldn't give up.
"Robert," I answered.
"I'm Robert Peterson."
"Mine's Wendy... I'm six."
"Hi, Wendy."
She giggled. "You're funny," she said.
In spite of my gloom, I laughed too and walked on. Her musical
giggle followed me.
"Come again, Mr. P," she called. "We'll have
another happy day."
After a few days of a group of unruly Boy Scouts, PTA meetings,
and an ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out of
the dishwater. I need a sandpiper, I said to myself, gathering up my coat.
The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me.
The breeze was chilly but I strode along, trying to recapture
the
Serenity I needed.
"Hello, Mr. P," she said. "Do you want to
play?"
"What did you have in mind?" I asked, with a twinge of
annoyance.
"I don't know, you say."
"How about charades?" I asked sarcastically.
The tinkling laughter burst forth again.
"I don't know what that is."
"Then let's just walk." Looking at her, I noticed the
delicate fairness of her face.
"Where do you live?" I asked.
"Over there." She pointed toward a row of summer
cottages. Strange, I thought, in winter. "Where do you go to school?"
"I don't go to school. Mommy says we're on vacation."
She chattered little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but
my mind was on other things. When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a
happy day.
Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.
Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near
panic. I was in no mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the
porch and felt like demanding she keep her child at home.
"Look, if you don't mind," I said crossly when Wendy
caught up with me, "I'd rather be alone today."
She seemed unusually pale and out of breath.
"Why?" she asked.
I turned to her and shouted, "Because my mother died!"
and thought, My God, why was I saying this to a little child?
"Oh, she said quietly, 'then this is a bad day."
"Yes," I said, "and yesterday and the day before
and--oh, go away!"
"Did it hurt?" she inquired.
"Did what hurt?" I was exasperated with her, with
myself.
"When she died?"
"Of course it hurt!" I snapped, misunderstanding,
wrapped up in myself. I strode off.
A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach, she
wasn't
there. Feeling guilty, ashamed and admitting to myself I missed
her, I went up to the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door. A drawn
looking young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door.
"Hello," I said, "I'm Robert Peterson. I missed
your little girl today
and wondered where she was."
"Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you
so much. I'm afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance, please,
accept my apologies."
"Not at all -- she's a delightful child." I said,
suddenly realizing
that I meant what I had just said.
"Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukemia.
Maybe she didn't tell you."
Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. I had to catch my breath.
"She loved this beach so when she asked to come, we
couldn't say no.
She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called
happy days.
But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly..." Her voice
faltered,
"She left something for you ... if only I can find it.
Could you wait a moment while I look?"
I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something to say to this
lovely young woman. She handed me a smeared envelope with MR. P printed in bold
childish letters. Inside was a drawing in bright crayon hues -- a yellow beach,
a blue sea, and a brown bird. Underneath was carefully printed:
A LAPWING TO BRING YOU JOY.
Tears welled up in my eyes and a heart that had almost forgotten
to
Love opened wide. I took Wendy's mother in my arms. "I'm so
sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I muttered over and over, and we wept
together.
The precious little picture is framed now and hangs in my study.
Six words -- one for each year of her life -- that speak to me of harmony,
courage, and undemanding love. A gift from a child with sea blue eyes and hair
the color of sand -- who taught me the gift of love.